Wellbeing

We all seek ‘wellbeing’, but what is it? Drawing inspiration from psychodynamic practice and neuroscience, I believe wellbeing is a fulfilment of (in alphabetical order):

  1. Agency. You decide what you want and can put it into action.
  2. Attachment and relationships. You feel able to connect and depend on others in intimate, social and work relationships.
  3. Calmness and pleasure. You experience satisfaction and happiness in serenity.
  4. Cohesion. You know who you are and ‘hold it together’ without trying
  5. Creativity and play. You freely and joyfully apply new ways of expressing yourself or responding to circumstances.
  6. Expressing feelings. You pay attention to your mind-body sensations and recognise them, handle them, and show them in the right context
  7. Identity.  You define who you are to yourself and others in any given context.
  8. Insight. You step back from what is going on (internally or around you) and make sense of it.
  9. Resilience. You recover well from difficult experiences.
  10. Self esteem. You value yourself, your abilities and experiences.

It’s likely most of us don’t think about it when we do feel a sense of wellbeing (we just experience it), but we know when we don’t feel it.  For example, any one of the following…

  • to not value yourself, or
  • to feel overwhelmed by physical, emotional or spiritual injury, or
  • to not feel, express and let go of your feelings, or
  • to feel like you’re breaking into pieces

… is bad enough, but when these all start building up we can feel awful (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually)

Therapy is about bringing you to wellbeing.  Talking helps.

Loss

Loss is fundamentally distressing.  From fear of missing out to grieving the death of a loved one, our experience might include: 

  • Collapse. A feeling of shutting down, sometimes accompanied by thoughts of dying.
  • Rage. A biting, emotive attack evolved from our need to compete for scarce resources.
  • Fear. A powerful awareness of threats, often with a need to escape.
  • Panic. Overwhelming distress at vulnerability, often related to separation.
  • Dissociation. A sometimes total physical/mental disconnection from a threatening situation.
  • Denial. A mental process to wipe out a threat that is not dissociated.
  • Anger. From frustration to fury, a range of feelings that protest against a danger.
  • Control. An attempt to eliminate a threat by imposing power over it (or sometimes felt as helplessness).
  • Depression. Where vitality is diminished and mood, interest, pleasure, energy and mental functioning are subdued.
  • Aloneness. A conscious awareness of not feeling connected (often within existing relationships).

These may be felt in any order at any time and, during the progress of grieving, may be balanced out by experiences of wellbeing.

What causes loss? We are all unique but there are some common themes:

  1. We are born with basic needs and when they are not met, we can feel the loss (even if the needs were never met).
  2. We are taught to expect something other than what we have
  3. Someone or something we care about is no longer there

Whatever the cause, and whether your experience is felt as an enduring flatness, an unimaginable sorrow (or anything in between), I hope to help you move towards wellbeing.  Talking Helps.

 

Wellbeing

We all seek ‘wellbeing’, but what is it? Drawing inspiration from psychodynamic practice and neuroscience, I believe wellbeing is a fulfilment of (in alphabetical order):

  1. Agency. You decide what you want and can put it into action.
  2. Attachment and relationships. You feel able to connect and depend on others in intimate, social and work relationships.
  3. Calmness and pleasure. You experience satisfaction and happiness in serenity.
  4. Cohesion. You know who you are and ‘hold it together’ without trying
  5. Creativity and play. You freely and joyfully apply new ways of expressing yourself or responding to circumstances.
  6. Expressing feelings. You pay attention to your mind-body sensations and recognise them, handle them, and show them in the right context
  7. Identity.  You define who you are to yourself and others in any given context.
  8. Insight. You step back from what is going on (internally or around you) and make sense of it.
  9. Resilience. You recover well from difficult experiences.
  10. Self esteem. You value yourself, your abilities and experiences.

It’s likely most of us don’t think about when we do feel a sense of wellbeing (we just experience it), but we know when we don’t feel it.  For example, any one of the following…

  • to not value yourself, or
  • to feel overwhelmed by physical, emotional or spiritual injury, or
  • to not feel, express and let go of your feelings, or
  • to feel like you’re breaking into pieces

… is bad enough, but when these all start building up we can feel awful (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually)

Therapy is about bringing you to wellbeing.  Talking helps.

Loss

Loss is fundamentally distressing.  From fear of missing out to grieving the death of a loved one, our experience might include: 

  • Collapse. A feeling of shutting down, sometimes accompanied by thoughts of dying.
  • Rage. A biting, emotive attack evolved from our need to compete for scarce resources.
  • Fear. A powerful awareness of threats, often with a need to escape.
  • Panic. Overwhelming distress at vulnerability, often related to separation.
  • Dissociation. A sometimes total physical/mental disconnection from a threatening situation.
  • Denial. A mental process to wipe out a threat that is not dissociated.
  • Anger. From frustration to fury, a range of feelings that protest against a danger.
  • Control. An attempt to eliminate a threat by imposing power over it (or sometimes felt as helplessness).
  • Depression. Where vitality is diminished and mood, interest, pleasure, energy and mental functioning are subdued.
  • Aloneness. A conscious awareness of not feeling connected (often within existing relationships).

These may be felt in any order at any time and, during the progress of grieving, may be balanced out by experiences of wellbeing.

What causes loss? We are all unique but there are some common themes:

  1. We are born with basic needs and when they are not met, we can feel the loss (even if the needs were never met).
  2. We are taught to expect something other than what we have
  3. Someone or something we care about is no longer there

Whatever the cause, and whether your experience is felt as an enduring flatness, an unimaginable sorrow (or anything in between), I hope to help you move towards wellbeing.  Talking Helps.